So much for that
by troopertrish
Summary: In an effort to prove how much he really loves Rukia, Ichigo sets up a family dinner and invites Byakuya, hoping to get his approval. Things take a hilarious turn for the worse, however, when Ichigo's family decide to intervene. Welcome to the Kurosaki's, Byakuya.
1. Chapter 1

**So much for that**

Ichigo was sweating bullets. He was wringing his hands, and every time he heard a shifting noise or footfalls, his head snapped at the front door. He'd been acting like this for half an hour now, and it was driving Rukia insane.

"Ichigo, if you don't relax, I'll show you how relaxed a dead body can be."

Ichigo scowled at her, "Can you blame me? I'm the one who's staking my life to kiss your brother's ass so he can approve of our relationship!"

"Exactly!" Rukia exclaimed, raising her arms, "you're gonna be kissing his ass, not fighting him to the death. Sheesh! What's the problem with putting your best foot forward every once in a while?"

"I know! I know! I'm just…" Ichigo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I'm just really, really nervous."

Rukia smiled and gripped his shoulder gently, "He's my brother, Ichigo. Not your enemy. Relax."

Ichigo chuckled. "Well, just so you know, I'd rather take on Grimmjow any day than to sit on the same table with Byakuya for dinner."

"Is that so, Kurosaki?"

Rukia and Ichigo stood up immediately, their postures rigid as if they were soldiers called into arms by their commander. At that moment, Ichigo would have preferred to go to war rather than face Byakuya. The Captain of the 6th division was dressed in human clothing, which shocked Ichigo, who had the good sense not to show it.

"Brother." Rukia bowed her head politely. Byakuya nodded at her.

Ichigo and Byakuya looked at each other in awkward silence – well, for Ichigo, at least – before the orange-haired teenager held out his hand and greeted the Kuchiki noble, "How are you doing, Byakuya?"

Byakuya looked at Ichigo's hand disdainfully – as disdainful as his emotionless face would allow – before shaking it. "I am fine, Kurosaki. Thank you," he said, taking out a handkerchief and wiping his hand. Ichigo squinted his eyes at Byakuya. Rukia, sensing Ichigo's reiatsu gradually flaring up, gripped his arm and chirped, "Ichigo, why don't you inform your family that my brother has arrived?"

"Yeah, sure." Ichigo muttered. He controlled his reiatsu, for Rukia's sake. He was pretty sure that kissing up to her brother didn't entail hitting him square on the face. Although, with Byakuya's speed, he doubted he could do that while he was still in his human body. Maybe if he was in his soul form...

_No! Calm down, Ichigo. This is for Rukia. No Byakuya, no Rukia._

Ichigo knew getting Byakuya's approval was important to Rukia. And as if he hasn't already shown it countless of times before, he'd do literally anything for Rukia.

"Hey, dad, Bya – "

Isshin's foot landed on Ichigo's face before he could finish his sentence.

"Tsk tsk, you're getting careless, my son," he pulled Ichigo up by his collar and dusted him off, "you must never be caught unawares. BE VIGILANT!"

Ichigo slapped Isshin and tried in vain keep the blood oozing from his nose from getting unto his shirt. Too late. "Ah, great! Look at what you did, you big old dolt! I've got blood on my shirt, and before I even got to sit down for dinner with Rukia's brother."

"Oooooh, is he here? Is Byakuya finally here?" Isshin asked, his eyes sparkling mischievously.

Ichigo gripped him by the shoulders tightly and said in a low and serious voice, "Yes, he's here. And I need to send this out, so listen _very_ carefully and get it into that thick noggin of yours, okay?" Ichigo closed his eyes and inhaled deeply before he continued, "Getting Byakuya's approval means a lot to Rukia, and Rukia means a lot to me. This is my only chance to convince Byakuya that I really do love his sister. So, please, just help me out here."

Isshin's eyes became gentle, and he smiled as he clasped his son by the shoulder as well.

"I understand. Trust me, we'll help you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello Reader,**

**I guess I'm in a roll with this story. will try to update as soon as possible.**

**also, I'll be drawing scenes of the story and posting it on deviantart. will add the link on the next chapter.**

**enjoy!**

* * *

"WELCOME, MY SOON-TO-BE-SON-IN-LAW!" Isshin cried the moment he burst in the living room. Rukia choked on her tea, Byakuya blinked, Ichigo facepalmed and his sisters chuckled.

_Help my ass!_ Ichigo thought, throwing daggers at his father with his eyes. Isshin ignored him. Instead, he approached Byakuya, and to everyone's horror, hugged him tightly.

"Welcome to our humble abode, Kuchiki!"

Isshin released Byakuya and inspected the shocked Shinigami from head to toe. "Well, well, I never thought I'd see the day when the high and mighty Kuchiki Byakuya would be wearing normal, human clothes. Doesn't it make you uncomfortable wearing peasant clothes?"

Byakuya's eye twitched. "They're not peasant clothes, _Kurosaki,_" he said the last word painstakingly slow, "Abarai got this for me. He said these were exclusive men's wear by a famous designer by the name of Zac Posen."

Ichigo gave Rukia a questioning glance. "Renji stole it", she mouthed.

_Ah. That would explain the expensive designer clothes. Motherfucking Renji._

Yuzu inched her way closer to Isshin and tugged at his sleeve, "Father, dinner is ready."

"Ah, right on time," Isshin draped his arm over Byakuya's shoulder, much to the latter's dismay, "You're in for a treat, dear Byakuya. My little Yuzu here cooks the most splendid Oden in the world. Your taste buds shall die tonight, I assure you."

"Your daughter cooks?" Byakuya asked, eyeing Yuzu. Somehow, he couldn't imagine the little girl with pig-tails preparing dinner for six.

"Oh yes, she does!" Isshin huffed proudly, "and my little Karin here plays soccer like a pro." He ruffled Karin's hair.

"Dad, please." Karin whined, slapping her father's hand away.

"Oh, you precious little girl. So modest," Isshin gushed. Karin stalked away, her face as red as a tomato.

"What is this 'soccer', Rukia?" Byakuya asked.

Rukia hurried to Byakuya's side. "It is a human sport, brother. There are two opposing teams that kick a ball around until one of them scores a goal."

"Interesting."

As they made their way to the dining room, Byakuya noticed a gigantic poster of a beautiful woman plastered on the wall. Byakuya could only assume that this was Ichigo's mother.

"That's Masaki, my late wife."

Byakuya was surprised at the gentleness of Isshin's voice.

Isshin raised a hand and caressed the poster, "She was a wonderful mother."

Byakuya watched as Isshin drowned with the thoughts of his wife. Something tugged at his own heart. He understood Isshin; he understood what it felt like to lose someone you loved with your heart and soul, and still pine for them every day. At that moment, Byakuya's view of Isshin Kurosaki had elevated. That was until…

"Oh, my beloved Masaki! You would be so proud of our Ichigo! Formally seeking approval from dear Rukia's brother, "Isshin turned to Byakuya and smiled mischievously, "And here I thought they were just gonna elope –"

"OOOOOOOOKAY, who wants to have a go at Yuzu's dumplings?" Ichigo cried, clamping his hand over Isshin's mouth and dragging him to the dining room. Rukia bit her lip nervously as she watched her brother. She could swear she saw steam coming out of his ears.

"Did you, Rukia?"

Rukia jumped at Byakuya's voice. "Did what, brother?"

Byakuya turned to her, his eyes cold and frightening. "Did you and the Kurosaki boy ever thought of eloping?"

Rukia gulped. "Never, brother."

"Good. I guess that idiot isn't as stupid as I thought. Come. It's rude to keep our hosts waiting."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello Reader,**

**Hope you enjoy this. I sure enjoyed freaking Byakuya out. Pfft who doesn't?**

**Aaaaand about the enu that Yuzu made...I just got all that from the assassinations please.**

**and also, watch out for the next chapter. This dinner ain't over yet, folks.**

* * *

"I'm sorry about my dad," Ichigo whisphered as they all sat around the dining table.

Rukia didn't say anything. Instead, she held Ichigo's hand under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze. That was comfort enough for Ichigo.

Byakuya sat at the head of the table with Isshin across him; Rukia sat to his right, with the Kurosaki boy beside her while Karin and Yuzu sat to his left. The noble Kuchiki was actually quite impressed with the food that Yuzu had prepared. There were dumplings, Autumn Udon with Vegetables, Hiyayakko and Oden. Sure enough, it tasted heavenly. Yuzu had blushed when Byakuya commended her for her cooking skills; Isshin beamed like the proud father that he was.

Rukia was quite impressed at how cool Karin was in Byakuya's presence. She did not hesitate to ask him questions, like, what was the most difficult part of being a captain; why was his zanpakuto named Senbonzakura; and was Abarai Renji a satisfactory lieutenant?

Byakuya answered all these questions and had even laughed at the last one.

_Poor Renji. And here he thought he was finally breaking through Byakuya' wall of ice and warming up to the guy. Motherfucking Renji, _Ichigo thought as he took a sip of his tea.

Not a man to waste precious time though, Byakuya cut the small talk short and went straight to the point. "So, Kuroskai. About you and my sister."

Ichigo choked on his tea while Isshin slammed his fist on the table, exclaiming, "FINALLY!"

Rukia, not wanting for things to go awry, decided to speak first, "Um…allow me to explain, brother."

But Byakuya cut her off with the raise of his hand. "I'd rather hear it from the ryoka."

Isshin bristled at that. "Ryoka? I think _bad boy_ would be the right term! Chicks dig the rebels, don't they son? Eh eh?" he said, nudging at Ichigo.

"Quit it, old man! I don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

"Don't be shy, my boy," Isshin pulled Ichigo by the neck and gave him a noogie, "C'mon. Tell ol' Byakuya 'bout that time you had Rukia whimpering inside your room."

Byakuya spat his tea out; Rukia fell off her chair; Ichigo almost had a heart attack; Yuzu covered her mouth in surprise; Karin face palmed; and Isshin patted himself on the back.

Ichigo rushed to help Rukia back into her seat. Byakuya, who was trying in vain to recover from that very improper tea spitting, found it hard to control his anger. "Care to explain this, Kurosaki?" he said through gritted teeth.

Ichigo paled. "It's not what you think, Byakuya."

Rukai nodded. She was practically shaking in fear. "We had been fighting a particularly strong hollow that night, and I wounded myself badly –"

"She had a broken wrist and a stab wound deeper than the Grand Canyon –"Ichigo interjected.

"And we couldn't go to Urahara's anymore since I was hurt too badly –"

"So I thought that I'd treat her wounds instead –"

"And Ichigo used this anti-septic on my wound and it really hurt –"

"But she couldn't scream since it was already the wee hours of the morning and she'd probably wake the whole town up –"

"So I bit down on Ichigo's blanket and cried. Nothing happened, brother –"

"Nothing at all –"

"I swear." Ichigo and Rukia finished together.

Byakuya blinked. Karin and Yuzu just looked at the flustered couple, mouths opened. In a table full of people too shocked to speak, Isshin raised his voice, "THAT WAS ADORABLE! OH, MASAKI! DID YOU HEAR THAT? THEY WERE FINISHING EACH OTHER'S SENTENCE! IT CAN ONLY BE TRUE LOVE!"

Byakuya ignored Isshin, directing his attention to his sister and unwanted boyfriend instead. "Are you telling me that you two did not sleep together?"

Ichigo and Rukia blushed. "No, we did not, brother."

"Although they do sleep in the same room," Isshin added, fiddling with his fork.

Ichigo kicked his father on the leg, hard. "What?" Isshin asked, massaging his shin.

Byakuya gripped his own fork so hard that it bent. "So, the two of you sleep in the same room, but don't sleep together? I would like to assume that Kurosaki's room is big enough to cater to two futons, yet, judging by the size of this house, I doubt that is possible. I find it hard to believe that you don't sleep on the same bed with this impolite rascal, Rukia."

"But, we don't, brother!" Rukia protested.

"Do enlighten me."

"Rukia sleeps in Ichigo's closet," Karin said, tired of all the bickering and misunderstandings. Ichigo glared at her. "What? You'd rather Byakuya think you and Rukia do the dirty in your room instead of telling the truth?"

"I'd rather that," Isshin sighed, "that way we can just skip ahead to the wedding and I can finally take care of my grandchildren."

"Can you not discuss that in front of me, Kurosaki Isshin?" Byakuya said exasperatedly. Goodness knows he did not need to imagine little orange-haired tots squirming in Rukia's arms. It was too early for that. He gave Ichigo a murderous look and said in a very slow and grave voice, emphasizing every word, "Let's get this clear, Ryoka. You let my sister, a Kuchiki who's slept in the softest bed in Soul Society all her life living with me, sleep in your cramped closet?"

Ichigo shrugged. "I figured you wouldn't approve if she slept with me. And besides, I stuffed a bed inside my closet. I'm pretty sure it's comfortable."

To say that Byakuya lost his temper that night would be an understatement.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello Reader,**

**I'm sorry I haven't been updating any of my stories. It's Examination Week in our university (Davvy Jones help me) and I've been cramming to get something inside my head. **

**here's a new chapter. hope you'll enjoy it despite its shortness.**

**Kudos to Tite Kubo, who owns bleach. Lucky guy.**

* * *

Byakuya was not pleased when Kurosaki Ichigo, of all people, came to him three days ago, on a beautiful morning while he was taking a stroll in his garden. Had his sister not been there, he would have gladly kicked him out of his estate. But all violent thoughts towards the ryoka were put aside the moment Byakuya saw them approaching them. They were holding each other's hands. He was dumbfounded.

When the two explained of their mutual love and blossoming relationship, it took all the willpower in the world for Byakuya not to unsheathe Senbonzakura and tear Ichigo into a million, unrecognizable pieces. This was one option. Another was to steal Rukia away, lock her up in a room and forbid her from ever seeing the light of day. For the love of Captain Seaweed, Rukia was too young to be in a relationship!

"She's a hundred and fifty years old." Ichigo had argued then. The gall of that ryoka to answer back to him. Then again, he's been answering back to Byakuya from the moment they met.

For some unknown and unspeakably insane reason, Byakuya had accepted Ichigo's invitation to have dinner at his house together with his family. Though he would never admit it, Byakuya was pleasantly surprised that Ichigo was putting effort to formally seek his approval. And in his opinion, any unfortunate soul who wanted to have anything to do with his sister should do just so, or face his wrath

And so now, here he was, in the Kurosaki residence, gripping their dinner table so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Woah, you're actually making cracks on the table," Karin mused coolly.

"Don't be angry, Byakuya. I've tried many times to convince these two to let me buy a bigger bed for Ichigo's room. Don't know what's up their asses, but they just won't accept my offer." Isshin laughed, which just made Byakuya's blood boil.

"So, you've been sleeping inside a closet every time you came here, Rukia?" Byakuya asked, his voice dangerously low.

_Oh sweet Chappy, save me now. _"Yes, brother."

A very awkward and heavy silence descended on the room. Yuzu, glancing at her brother, saw how miserable he was. This wasn't how he had hoped things would go. In an attempt to save her big brother's relationship, and dinner, she got up and smiled. "Who wants dessert?"

"I'll go with you," Karin said, throwing her napkin on the table, "tension here is so thick you can cut it with a knife."

Isshin laughed at that while Ichigo buried his face in his hand.

Yuzu and Karin hurried into the kitchen.

"We need to help big brother, Karin." Yuzu whisphered urgently.

"What? Why?"

"Look at him, Karin. He looks so sad and miserable! I He's been planning this dinner since last week just to impress Rukia's brother and now it's all messed up."

"Gee, and whose fault is that?" Karin asked sarcastically.

"Dad doesn't know any better. And he's just trying to liven things up," Yuzu hissed. She opened the fridge and brought out the Strawberry shortcake she'd made. Karin eyed it suspiciously.

"You're serving that for dessert?" she asked, pointing at the cake.

Yuzu paused and looked at her cake, then back at Karin. "Yes. Why? Does it look bad?"

"It's beautiful actually - The cream, the layers, the _strawberries._"

Yuzu looked at her sister, confused.

Karin sighed. "Are you sure you really want to serve Byakuya Strawberry shortcake when, at this very moment, all he has in his mind is to flay Ichigo alive?"

Yuzu gasped. She got it. "How could I be so stupid?!" she cried.

Everyone at the dining room turned their heads towards the kitchen at Yuzu's voice.

"Yuzu, what's going on?" Ichigo asked.

"Um…nothing, big brother. Just…forgot to close the refrigerator door. Sure is cold here. And I thought there was a draft in here." Yuzu laughed nervously, trying to sound happy. It ended up sounding like a constipated seal. Karin rolled her eyes. Ichigo and Rukia looked at each other.

"Yuzu, relax! You're going to blow it for Ichigo if you panic now," Karin said, gripping her sister by the shoulder, "we don't have a choice. It's either we serve that, or offer Byakuya some sugar cubes."

"But, we don't have sugar cubes," Yuzu whimpered.

"THAT'S THE POINT!" Karin hissed a little too loudly.

Byakuya raised a brow. "Girls, are you sure everything's alright in there?" Isshin called out.

"Yes dad!" Yuzu and Karin answered back.

"Just...Um…shooing the cat away. Darn cat!" Karin grumbled.

Yuzu stared incredulously at her. "And you said I was blowing it for Ichigo."

"We have a cat?" Ichigo asked, turning to his father. Isshin just shrugged.

Back at the kitchen, Yuzu and Karin gave each other one last comforting glance before heading into the dining room to serve the blasted cake to a strawberry-hating Byakuya.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello Reader,**

**This chapter is short. Very short. But I do not regret because I'm sure that's how Ichigo would have wanted it.**

**Kudos to Tite Kubo, father of Bleach**

* * *

Ichigo just wanted to die. He wanted to die a quick death right at that moment.

Yuzu was slowly cutting up the strawberry shortcake into equal slices to be given out. Each cut seemed like an eternity to Ichigo.

_Why is this happening to me? I'm a generally good person._

When Karin and Yuzu arrived and placed the dessert on the center of the table, the athmosphere in the room went from hostile to world war three. Byakuya squinted his eyes angrily at the cake; Isshin tried to hold back a laugh, which was not much of a try at all, to Ichigo's opinion; and Rukia's mouth curved downwards, as if she was about to cry.

Strawberry shortcake. Of all the countless desserts to make, Yuzu had to choose Strawberry fucking shortcake.

_Why me?_

Yuzu smiled as she served Byakuya his slice. He grimaced, and so did Ichigo. Right on top was one big ass strawberry. To Ichigo, it was like a death warrant. Isshin, however, being the loving father that he was, couldn't help but add to the torture his son was going through.

"Well, aren't these strawberries delectable? Hey Byakuya, did you know my son here is also called strawberry?"

Byakuya dropped his fork and glared at Isshin.

"I'll take that as a yes," Isshin said, chuckling.

Yuzu and Ichigo made eye contact with each other.

"What the hell?" Ichigo mouthed.

"I'm sorry." Yuzu mouthed back.

Rukia elbowed Ichigo on the side. "It's not her fault," she reprimanded, miming her words as well.

Ichigo elbowed her back. "Back off."

"You back off."

The next thing they knew, Rukia and Ichigo were engaged in an elbowing war against each other, both mouthing curses at each other.

On the other side of the table, Karin and Yuzu were having a hushed argument as well.

"We need to do something." Yuzu whispered.

"I think it's best if we just let things flow on its own accord." Karin whispered back.

"But Ichigo is in a rut! We need to help him."

"Look, I don't know about you, but I find it very uncomfortable meddling in other people's affairs, especially when it includes the scary big brother of my stupid big brother's girlfriend!"

Across Byakuya, Isshin was still trying – or forcing, more like it - to make the Kuchiki noble warm up to his son. "My, such sweet strawberries, these are! Just like my son, Ichigo. He's a sweet lover, believe it!"

Byakuya gritted his teeth at the chaos before him. On one side, Ichigo and Rukia were still wordlessly bickering with each other; on the other, Karin and Yuzu were debating in hushed tones; and right in front of him, Isshin was caressing a strawberry which he had snatched from his own son's cake, murmuring how beautiful its strawberry soul was, just like his strawberry son.

It was all too much for his noble and highly sensitive ears.

"Enough!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello Reader,**

**Sorry for the delay. Exams and Thesis are bitches. the worst kind.**

**anyway, here's a new chapter. did this in a hurry, so expect a lot of errors and feel free to laugh and make a meme about it.**

**Kudos to Tite Kubo for creating Bleach. Enjoy!**

* * *

Everyone froze at Byakuya's raised voice.

Byakuya cleared his voice before looking at Ichigo. "I remember quite clearly that you invited me here to ask for my approval, Kurosaki."

"We're getting back to business," Isshin chuckled, rubbing his hands together.

"However, since I sat down on your table for dinner, all I've heard was how poorly you've been treating my sister. Hints of eloping, getting seriously injured during battle, implied fornication behind closed doors, and sleeping in a cramped, pitiful excuse of a closet – DON'T correct me with my choice of adjectives to describe your measly cabinet because judging by the unsightly creases I see in your shirt, I can only assume that there isn't enough space to contain your wardrobe, let alone my sister." Byakuya said, lifting his hand to silence Ichigo when the orange-haired teenager had opened his mouth in defiance.

"Wait, if Rukia is sleeping in your closet, then where do you keep all your clothes?" Yuzu asked.

"Uh…anywhere in the room, actually," Ichigo answered, shrugging.

Yuzu gasped, her face showing a hurt expression. "Big brother, do you know how much time and effort I put into ironing your clothes for you? And you just leave them sprawling all over your room? No wonder Byakuya thinks you're ill-dressed."

"Hey, Byakuya did not say –"

"Read between the lines, Kurosaki," Byakuya said.

Ichigo was about to retort with something witty but came up empty. Instead, he clamped his mouth shut and leaned back on his chair, arms crossed.

Yuzu, however, was still riled up. "I spend hours just to iron them, fold them neatly, and gently place them inside your closet, and you just take them out and throw them everywhere without a second thought?"

Karin placed a gentle hand on her twin's shoulder. "Let it go, Yuzu. Let it go." Yuzu looked at her and whimpered.

"Awww. If it's any consolation, I still keep my clothes inside my closet, baby doll." Isshin said, patting Yuzu on the back. Yuzu smiled at him.

Byakuya sighed. This family was strange – too strange for comprehension. Yet…

"I know this looks bad, Byakuya," Ichigo said, straightening up, "and I don't have any excuses for it. Rukia sleeps in my closet, because I don't have the money to buy another futon or a bigger bed. And if I did, my father, perverted as he already is, would probably be buying baby clothes the moment me and Rukia came out the door. She does get injured sometimes, and I hold myself completely responsible for that. I should be there to protect her and somehow, I still fail to do that. I'm not the best role model for my sisters, but I'll be damned if I can't protect them and let them live their lives to the fullest. I fight with my father as often as I breathe air, and he and trust don't exactly go well together. But when it all comes down to it, I know he'll be right by my side even in the crappiest situation. And I'll be there by his. Your sister is the most beautiful and wonderful person in my eyes, and yes, there's nothing more I'd like to do than to hold her close to me every second of every day. But I won't do that knowing you'd rather kill me than being with her. You don't need to love me, let alone like me. All I want is for you to know that I love Rukia. I love her more than life itself."

Ichigo was breathing hard by the time he finished that. Everyone was silent. All the tension and chaos in the room suddenly vanished and was replaced by something that almost seemed…hopeful.

Byakuya was shocked, nay, stunned. He found himself unable to speak; no sarcastic comment, no witty comeback, no utter denial of how heavenly Yuzu's strawberry shortcake was even if he hated the blasted fruit with all his heart right now. He had not expected the Kurosaki boy to be that confident of his love for his sister, and he was left speechless.

A sniff finally broke the silence. Everyone turned to look at Isshin, who was using the table cloth to wipe his tears away. "That was so beautiful, son," he choked out, "sheer poetry." And with that, he threw himself at Ichigo, sending both of them flying backwards.

"OH MY PRECIOUS BOY, YOU'VE TRULY TURNED INTO A FULL-GROWN HUNK! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, PUTTING THE KUROSAKI CHARM INTO GOOD USE AND BAGGING YOURSELF A GOREGOUS RAVEN-HAIRED VIXEN! OH I CAN JUST IMAGINE HOW BEAUTIFUL MY LITTLE GRANDBABIES WILL BE!" Isshin cried out while taking Ichigo into a massive bear hug.

Ichigo tried to pry his father's hands away from him. All his hard work - planning this dinner, working up the courage to invite Byakuya, making a fine speech about how he truly felt for Rukia and, most of all, keeping his fist from connecting with Byakuya's face - went to waste because of his father's grandfather fixation.

"Oh Ichigo, your mother would have been so proud. I can almost hear the pitter patter of little feet running around the house." Isshin whimpered and cried on Ichigo's shoulder.

"Ugh. Now I know why they call it gross sobbing," Karin said, turning away.

Rukia just watched as Ichigo and his father wrestled on the floor. Ichigo professing his love for her right in front of her big brother was too much to take in. And she thought she couldn't love him more. Slowly, she turned and faced her brother. Byakuya was watching the ridiculous display of affection – if one could call it that - between father and son. He tried to recall moments when his father would show him affection, and was disheartened upon realizing that he couldn't remember even a single one. This family was indeed too strange for comprehension. Yet, they were a family nonetheless.

Sensing his sister's eyes on him, he faced her and saw the fierce love and determination in her eyes. All she felt for the Kurosaki boy were reflected in those purple orbs.

"Is this what you want, Rukia?" Byakuya asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Rukia turned back to look at Ichigo trying to pry Isshin away with his foot while the latter clung tightly to his son. She faced Byakuya once again, smiled and nodded. "With all my heart."

What Byakuya did next would haunt everyone's dreams for the following months.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello Reader,**

**AW YEAH! in celebration of me finishing (and probably failing) my exams, here's another chapter! Don't worry, this isn't the last chapter yet.**

**Did not have the time to edit this so feel free to make fun of my mistales cuz i sure do.**

**Kudos to Tite Kubo, the evil genius.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

What Byakuya did next would haunt everyone's dreams for the following months. Ichigo's dreams, most especially. Isshin, not so much.

Rukia gasped, her eyes wide with horror as she followed Byakuya's every move.

The Kuchiki noble had downed his tea as if it was a shot of liquor and did the last thing anyone in the room had expected him to do - smile.

After that, he did something that everyone in the room had expected him to do the moment he had stepped foot in the house. Byakuya drew his sword, and before anyone could even blink, pinned Ichigo against the wall.

"What the hell – BYAKUYA, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Ichigo yelled as he tried to distance his neck from Senbonzakura's blade, which was too close for comfort.

Karin and Yuzu looked on with wide eyes. Rukia stood up and was about to rush towards Ichigo and her brother when Isshin stopped her. This surprised her as much as it did Ichigo.

"Let them sort this out on their own," Isshin told Rukia, whose eyes had begun to water.

"On my own?" Ichigo cried, his voice an octave higher, "well, this is a great way to find out that all that bullshit about you having my back through the crappiest situations was nothing but a big one-sided misconception!"

Isshin gasped dramatically, his hand on his heart. "That is soooo not true; that is not a one-sided misconception! I totally have your back…except on weekends and special occasions, this being one of them."

Ichigo turned back to look at Byakuya. _He looks pretty calm for someone who just went nuts._

Byakuya took a step closer. "Listen, Kurosaki, and listen well. I –"He glanced back to find Isshin standing close – too close – behind him, nosily eavesdropping on the conversation. "Would you please?" Byakuya said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, of course." Isshin took one step back. Byakuya and Ichigo sighed in frustration.

"Dad, would you please just get your butt a couple feet away from here?" Ichigo groaned.

"But whyyyyy? I just want in on the conversation! It sounds juicy," Isshin whined.

"LOOK, YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WITH A RAZOR SHARP SWORD HELD AGAINST YOUR NECK. I CAN FEEL IT STIFFENING AND MY LEG IS STARTING TO CRAMP, SO STEP BACK!"

"Alright, alright!" Isshin grumbled as he walked to where Karin and Yuzu were fearfully standing. "The way your brother bosses me around, it's as if his very life depended on it! Sheesh." Karin and Yuzu just gave their father a look.

Byakuya turned back to Ichigo. "Now, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted – "

"A concerned parent is not a rude interruption!"

Everyone groaned.

"Ichigo will get his head loped off for sure," Karin muttered.

"Just let the man speak, dad," Yuzu said.

After much deliberation, Ichigo and Byakuya agreed to take the conversation up to his room under the condition that Ichigo be held at sword point.

"Gee, son, never thought you'd be able to have both Kuchikis in your room," Isshin whistled. Ichigo smacked him on the head for that comment while Rukia blushed.

Upon entering Ichigo's room, Byakuya took a minute to observe his surroundings. A closet right beside the door caught his eye. It made his eye twitch in anger. "Is this where my sister sleeps?"

Ichigo gulped. "Yes."

Byakuya raise his sword and pointed it at Ichigo's chest.

"Listen well, Kurosaki," he said, his voice low and his eyes shining with righteous fury, "I'm not the best brother, I'm not even a good brother, but I'm Rukia's brother nonetheless. I've vowed on my late wife's deathbed to protect Rukia and to make her happy. Now, I love my wife more than anything in this life and the next, so I'll be damned if I can't live up to what I promised her. I may not be able to protect her at all times, but I can assure her happiness. Right now, that seems to be you."

Ichigo blinked, not sure what to do or say.

Byakuya stalked towards him, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him against the wall. "I may not show it or say it, but Rukia is my pride, and I love her dearly. If you want to be with my sister, you'd better get your ass straight, boy," he gripped Ichigo's collar tighter, making the latter wince, "You'd better make her smile and laugh everyday. Don't you dare make her cry or regret a second being with you. If you so much as hurt a single strand of hair on her head, so help me, I will chase you down to the farthest ends of the world and I will fucking end you. I expect you to give my sister your everything, and nothing less. Do you hear me?"

Ichigo looked at Byakuya straight in the eyes, meeting his steely gaze with his own. "Yes."

With that, Byakuya let the orange-haired teenager go.

Ichigo coughed and massaged his neck as Byakuya sheathed Senbonzakura and straightened out his jacket.

"Seriously? You actually think I'd be able to hurt a single strand of hair on Rukia's Head? Have you seen the amount of bodily harm your sister inflicts on me?" Ichigo asked incredulously. "Honestly, it's my safety you should be worried about."

Byakuya just smirked, his eyes gleaming with pride.

"Let's head down, Kurosaki. I intend to finish your sister's heavenly strawberry shortcake before I make my leave."

* * *

**Stay tuned for the last two chapters! (smiley)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello Reader,**

**Tadah! here it is! another chapter! sorry for the late update. Thesis is slowly killing my hands from the inside.**

**OK, so I know glittery visions are Orihime's thing (heaven bless the adorable girl) , but, considering Byakuya's scary personality and freakk ass wrath, I thought "Hey I wouldn;t blame Rukia if she went nuts too". So I gave the beautiful white moon - drumroll - glittery visions! If you really think about it, it's not thaaaaaaat uncharacteristic. If it is then...boo you.**

**Kudos to Tite Kubo. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Rukia had been pacing back and forth the whole time her brother and Ichigo were alone in his room. She had never felt

Fear like this before. She tried in vain to calm herself down; each time she told herself that Byakuya and Ichigo were just talking, an image of her brother chanting with Senbonzakura raised in his hands as Ichigo burned in a stake came to mind.

_That's ridiculous, Rukia. Why would your brother burn Ichigo in a stake? _Why indeed, when there were worse ways to torture a person? Rukia whimpered, pulling at her hair. When it came to her brother, her imagination often went overboard. She was at her wit's end, and it did not go unnoticed.

"There, there, Rukia," Yuzu said softly, patting the older woman on the arm, "I'm sure everything's fine."

"Unless Ichigo said something stupid and got himself killed." Karin muttered, playing with what was left of her cake.

Yuzu glared at her sister and tried to comfort Rukia. But the damage was done.

Rukia's eyes went wide and unfocused as her mind drifted, thinking of all the possible ways her brother could kill the man she loved.

_Ichigo, bound to a hospital bed, screamed as Byakuya sharpened his surgical tools. Heaven knows Byakuya never went to medical school and knows nothing about surgery. But, oh, wasn't that the point? To make the ryoka scream as Byakuya slowly sliced his body open, taking out his organs and selling it to the black market? Not only would Ichigo die, but Byakuya would profit from it as well, emotionally, mentally and financially. But what of poor, heartbroken little Rukia? She'd be crying in the Kuchiki manor, only to be informed that her lover's kidney was given to a dying boy in some far away land. She'll look up to the heavens and whisper, 'At least your kidney lives on, my love'._

"Uhh…Rukia?" Karin asked.

It was no use. Rukia's glassy eyes watered as another image came up.

_Byakuya slammed down his gavel, accusing Ichigo of a horrid crime. Ichigo falls down on his knees, pleading for mercy, saying that he only stole a loaf of bread to feed his sick wife. Byakuya would hear none of it, however, and sentenced Ichigo to a lifetime in prison. An unjust sentence, yet, what was Ichigo to do? His last thoughts were of his wife, Rukia, before he was thrown into his filthy prison cell. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. Ichigo became weak and thin from malnutrition. Alas, his body could not take anymore. One cold, November night, he dies with his wife's name on his lips. On the other side of the world, his wife suffers the same fate, uttering 'Ichigo' with her last breath._

"Um…why is she crying?" Karin asked, pointing at the single tear that ran down Rukia's cheek.

Yuzu gasped. "She must be having a vision!"

"A vision of what?"

Rukia could not answer. Her eyes were staring into the distance, staring into what may be her future.

_Ichigo spat out blood. His arms were chained to the pipeline above his head, and his feet were tied up. He glared at the looming figure before him. Out of the shadows, Byakuya appears. He sends another backhand slap at Ichigo, taunting him. But Ichigo stays strong, refusing to tell Byakuya anything. The shady mafia boss has something up his sleeve, though. With the snap of his fingers, his cronies bring in a petite young woman, her cheek bruised. Ichigo gasps. 'Rukia'. Byakuya laughs maniacally as he cocks his gun and points it against Rukia's temple. Ichigo screams, pleading with Byakuya to spare her life. His pleas fall on deaf ears, however, and Byakuya pulls the trigger. Ichigo cries out in anguish, his lover's blood splattered against his face. Rukia falls down. But before her body hits the cold, cold floor, she manages to smile, sending a secret message to her beloved: Stay strong, my sweet._

Rukia sobbed, her lower lip quivering and her shoulders shaking. Yuzu, Karin and Isshin looked at her oddly.

"I am beyond freaked out now," Karin said.

"What could be the problem?" Yuzu asked thoughtfully. After a few seconds, she raised a finger. "I got it! She must be –"

"PREGNANT! FOR THE LOVE OF PURE, PASSIONATE REPRODUCTION, SHE'S PREGNANT!" Isshin cried, his hand covering his mouth as he dramatically staggered back, reaching out to Karin for support. The latter, however, dodged, and Isshin fell to the floor.

"Dad. Really?" Karin gave her father a look.

"INDUBITABLY!"

"But, dad…" Yuzu said.

"Tut tut! Are you a doctor? No. I thought so. Last time I checked, I was a doctor. And I cannot make a mistake regarding things like this. I tell you – KUCHIKI RUKIA IS PREGNANT!"

"WHAT?!"

Yuzu, Karin and Isshin turned to see Byakuya and Ichigo standing at the foot of the stairs, their mouths wide open and their eyes as big as saucers.

* * *

**P.S. Watch out for the last chapter! (smiley)**


	9. Chapter 9

**hello reader,**

**I AM SO SORRRYYY (gross sobbing) I HAVE SPENT THE ENTIRE TWO WEEKS WORKING ON MY THESIS AND REVISING IT! but thanfully, WE FUCKING PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS (do colors even fly?)**

**so, in celebration, I thought i'd add two more chapters of this, plus an epilogue. **

**A part of this story was inspired by the movie MOnster-in-law. you'll recognize it when you see it.**

**anyways, i'll try to updat sooner.**

**Kudos to Tite Kubo, that fantatsic fish...he? eeehhh**

**enjoy**

* * *

"So, Ichigo, how are you doing today?"

"I guess I'm doing much better," Ichigo replied, scratching the back of his head, "considering all the things I've been through the past month."

"Yes and you've made a lot of progress since then."

"To be honest, at first I thought this was all a load of bull. But, I have to say it helped me a lot. And Rukia too."

"I'm flattered, Ichigo. And what of your thoughts about the matter, Captain Kuchiki?"

Byakuya glared at Unohana before sighing and answered with a barely audible voice, "I'm much better, thank you."

"Well, that's good to he-"

"But, that does not change my view on the matter at hand."

Ichigo groaned; Unohana sighed deeply.

"Captain Kuchiki, what, may I ask, has you so disagreeable?"

Byakuya gave Unohana an incredulous look, as if she had just told him that he had grown another head. "This ruffian," Byakuya pointed at Ichigo, who recoiled in surprise, "had dared to sully my precious sister with his filthy genes."

"Excuse me?!" Ichigo shrieked, a vein visibly popping into view on his forehead.

Byakuya ignored him. "Can you imagine? The tragedy of having our gene pool infected by his...for the love of Captain Seaweed, poor Rukia would bear such hideous children." Byakuya clamped his heart and closed his eyes, shielding himself from the horrid vision of little orange-haired rascals running around the mansion.

"Hideous?! The only thing my children will be is drop dead fucking gorgeous!" Ichigo growled, clenching his fist.

"Now, now. Both of you, stay calm. You were brought here for counseling, not for further misunderstanding."

"Frankly, I do not see the point of all this," Byakuya muttered. Ichigo glared at him.

"I clearly see the point of all this, Captain Kuchiki,' Unohana answered, not at all riled by Byakuya's words, "especially considering the events of last month."

Ichigo and Byakuya gave each other a long, lingering and awkward glance.

**A Month Ago**

"Brother, let Ichigo go!" Rukia cried, her hands trying to pry her brother's vice grip away from Ichigo's neck. She had snapped out of her trance the moment she heard Ichigo's choking screams.

Her cries fell on deaf ears, however. Byakuya was in a faraway place. His eyes were distant and unfocused; in his head, there rang only two words: BLOODY MURDER.

"YOU DARE TAINT MY SISTER WITH YOUR FILTH, KUROSAKI?!"

"Didn't…even….have sex…" Ichigo coughed out.

"YOU NAÏVE NINCOMPOOP! YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST USED PROTECTION!"

Byakuya paused when he felt Isshin tap his shoulder. The latter's eyes were gleaming disturbingly – and that's saying something considering Byakuya was practically foaming at the mouth. "So does this mean, dear Byakuya, "Isshin said slowly, "that they have your consent to engage in intercourse as long as they are…protected?"

It did not take a second for Byakuya, and everyone else in the room, to regret his slip.

In the blink of an eye, Isshin ran to his clinic and back, happily squealing as he shoved a handful of contraceptives at Rukia. At that moment, the petite shinigami blushed so furiously, Crayola had to rename the color "red" into "rukia".

"BE HAPPY, MY THIRD DAUGHTER! ROAM THE WILD FOREST AND BE HAPPY! RIDE MY SON TO THE SUNSET!"

Yuzu gasped. Karin covered her ears. "We shouldn't be here, Yuzu."

Yuzu nodded. "Tell me about it. Even I understood that innuendo."

Ichigo wished that his neck had completely snapped at that very moment, while Byakuya wished that he had four arms, to further strangle these perverted Kurosaki men. Isshin, as expected, was oblivious to all the negative vibes. He scooped Rukia up into a hug and twirled her around.

"OH, I CAN JUST IMAGINE IT, THIRD DAUGHTER! YOU, BLOOMING, BEAUTIFUL AND WITH CHILD! SUCH A LOVELY THING TO IMAGINE!"

For some insane and completely unexplainable reason, Ichigo, at the words of his deranged father, had allowed his mind to wander, into what the future might be. He saw Rukia, cheeks blushing and eyes bright, sitting in a meadow. They were having a picnic. She would grab his hand and delicately place it just above her stomach. And he would feel it. That faint heartbeat. And he would look up to see Rukia, so pretty, so beautiful, so-

"KUROSAKI!"

Aaaaaand all the nice things in the world disappeared as Rukia's lovely face was suddenly replaced with Byakuya's borderline psychotic one.

"Are you…daydreaming? While I am pleasuring myself with the honor of choking the life out of you?" Byakuya said through gritted teeth.

Ichigo coughed, raised a finger, and replied in a hoarse voice, "First, saying you're pleasuring yourself while you're this physically close to me is unsettling as fuck. Second, yes. Yes I was. It's a good coping mechanism when you are being strangled by your girlfriend's brother."

Byakuya's brow twitched. "You have the nerve to throw witty remarks at me, ryoka."

"Ah, but you do admit they are witty."

Byakuya tightened his hands around Ichigo's neck even more.

Rukia dropped the embarrassing and ridiculously abundant bundle of contraceptives to the floor – much to Isshin's dismay – and tried to reason with her brother.

"Brother, please-"

"STEP ASIDE, RUKIA! I SHALL SAVE YOU, AND OUR GENE POOL, FROM THIS LOW LIFE!"

And in that instant, something snapped inside her. Rukia grabbed her brother by the shoulder and pushed, sending a very surprised Byakuya sprawling away. Rukia's purple eyes burned with a fiery passion. A very potty mouthed fiery passion.

"EVERYBODY FUCKING SHUT UP!"

Everyone froze, shocked at the strength and volume of Rukia's voice.

"I HAVE HAD IT! ALL WE WANTED WAS A NICE FAMILY DINNER! BUT ALL I GOT WAS SEX EDUCATION, A HALF EATEN STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE, AND THE REALIZATION THAT ME AND ICHIGO WILL PROBABLY BE TOO POOR TO BUY MOTHERFUCKING BREAD!"

Byakuya and Isshin looked at each other. The latter just shrugged.

"NOW, I AM SICK! I AM SICK, SICK, SICK! AND WHEN I'M NOT SICK, I'M TIRED! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS SHIT! EVERYONE IS GOING TO HEAD BACK TO THE DINING ROOM, SIT THEIR FAT ASSES DOWN, AND CONTINUE WITH THE DINNER IN HARMONY, WITH GOOD SPIRITS TOWARDS THEIR FELLOWMEN, AND IN UNISON FOR THE ACHIEVEMENT OF WORLD PEACE!"

Yuzu coked her head to the side. "Didn't I hear that speech from a Miss Universe competition?"

"Miss World," Karin corrected.

Nevertheless, Rukia's outburst was enough to have everyone oblige and comply with her wishes. Byakuya and Ichigo even had the grace to offer each other more tea.

"I say, third daughter, you were some fiercesome spitball moments ago!" Isshin said through a mouthful of cake.

"I apologize, Isshin. I may have lost my composure," Rukia replied, blushing.

"Pfft, lost your composure would be an understatement," Ichigo retorted, "You just threw a bitchfit!"

"Indeed, Rukia," Byakuya said, his lidded eyes studying her, "I was quite surprised at your colorful vocabulary. I was afraid associating yourself with the likes of Renji and Kurosaki would have such an effect on you."

Ichigo glared at him.

"Naaaaah, cussing is nothing!" Isshin mused, waving his hand in the air, "and besides, if you ask me-"

"No one's asking you, dad," Karin butted in.

"IF you ask me, what Rukia said was sheer poetry! OH ICHIGO, MY SON, YOU AND THRID DAUGHTER WILL HAVE SUCH ELOQUENT LINGUIST CHILDREN!"

"Since when has swearing become another language?" Ichigo muttered.

Ichigo and Byakuya's recollection of last month's events were cut short when Unohana cleared her throat.

"Now, we have to address the matter at hand."


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello Reader,**

**Here's Chapter 10! And i realized, with great shame, that I did not intend for this story to be this long. But then it was a long dinner. teehee**

**Anyway, next chapter's the last one, I swear on Dumbledore. So what exactly is the matter at hand? hhhmmm (stokes imaginary beard)**

**Kudos to Tite Kubo**

* * *

"We have to address the matter at hand."

Rukia's steely voice left the room silent. Everyone looked at her seriously, even Isshin stopped gushing about choosing baby names to listen to what would transpire next.

Byakuya set his fork down. "You mean, my approval…"

"Yes."

Byakuya was silent for a few minutes. Ichigo's hands were getting clammy; relief surged through him when Rukia reached for his hand and grasped it tightly.

Finally, Byakuya spoke. "What if I say no?"

Ichigo's head snapped up, his eyes widening. Yuzu flinched while Karin tensed up. Isshin picked his teeth with his fork.

But Rukia met her brotehr's eyes with unwavering defiance. "There's no reason for you to say so."

Byakuya raised his eyebrow. "Have you been asleep the entire evening, Rukia?" he said, voice dangerously low, "You ask me for reasons? Let me give you a list, Rukia. And a long one at that."

Byakuya cleared his throat before he continued, lifting his hands and counting off with his fingers. "Kurosaki makes you sleep in his closet. What's next, Rukia? Will he let you pee in his desk drawer?"

"Hey! I let her use the bathroom!" Ichigo cried out.

Karin's head snapped towards him. "Really? When? I never recalled ever seeing Rukia use our bathroom."

"Ixnay on the athroom bay."

"What?"

Ichigo facepalmed.

Byakua cleared his throat and raised a second finger. "His clear disregard of our clan and the nobility our Kuchiki name entails. Has he called me with a proper title, even once? I don't think so." A third finger. "He's bad company. You never raised your voice before, not until this ruffian taught you how."

"WHAT?"

"See what I mean?" A fourth finger. "He's sullied your mind with perverse things such as fornication."

"Um..brother, you do realize that I'm a hundred and fifty years old? Sex is not a taboo to me."

"Ahem." Karin raised her hand, "This conversation is getting awkward. May I and Yuzu be excused?"

"You'd think after all these years living with dad we'd get used to hearing things like this," Yuzu muttered glumly.

"Hey what's that supposed to mean?!" Isshin piped in.

Fifth finger. "Kurosaki and his family live like barn animals." Turning to Yuzu and Karin, Byakuya continued, "No offense. In my opinion, you two are quite well-mannered. I mostly meant that towards your brother and your father."

Karin shrugged. "We don't blame you. I honestly think Ichigo was dropped on the head as a baby."

"Hey! You're my sister you're supposed to be backing me up here! And why are you so nice to my sister's, but horrible towards me?" Ichigo asked, turning to face Byakuya.

"These respectful little girls are your sisters, Kurosaki? Well, that proves it then."

"Proves what?"

"You're adopted."

"I am not!"

"He is not!" Isshin cried, slamming his hand down on the table, "I was right there when Masaki gave birth, and when the nurse handed me my little orange haired baby boy."

"Thanks dad."

"Although, the nurse was pretty old and with really bad eyesight. And had a hard time reading the name tags on the babies when she handed you to me…"

"NOT FUCKING HELPING!"

Sixth finger. "You're a Shinigami, Rukia. A Shinigami of noble blood, who's also a respected lieutenant of the Gotei 13. No matter how much Kurosaki has contributed to Soul Society, or how many ridiculous powers he insanely gains everyday, it still remains that he's only human."

"Human-hollow-quincy hybrid. Cough. Cough."

"You're supposed to cough WHILE you say it, stupid." Karin said, rolling her eyes.

Seventh finger. "Apparently, he plans to have unprotected sex with you-"

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF, BYAKUYA?"

"Do you mean to tell me you have all those condoms for display? Or do you simply collect contraceptives?"

"THEY'RE NOT EVEN MINE!"

"Not YET, they're not!" Isshin said, giving Ichigo a thumbs up.

"Nevertheless," Byakuya turned back to his sister,"are you ready to conceive and raise an orange-haired little rascal? I don't think so, Rukia. Trust me, that hair color is a dominant gene. Are you ready to face the pain of having to deal with your child getting bullied at school for having such a weird hair color?"

"Now you're just being a bully," Ichigo muttered, crossing his arms, "For crying out loud, Byakuya, we just want your approval. It's not like we're planning for a family already."

"Touché, ryoka."

"Touché my behind! The whole night all you've been is one negative spaz!"

"I don't _spaz_, Kurosaki. I'm much too noble for that."

"Can I speak now?"

Rukia's voice silenced Byakuya and Ichigo. Everyone in the table was suddenly attentive.

Rukia looked at her brother straight in the eye. She took a deep breath before finally speaking.

"I am happy, brother."

Byakuya blinked. It took a few minutes for him to let that sink in.

"I am happy." Rukia repeated more firmly, a smile forming on her lips.


	11. Epilogue

**Hello Reader,**

**So i spent almost three weeks rewriting this last chapter. Seriously, I spent more time and effort in this than my Thesis document. I know. I have excellent priorities. **

**But in the end, I decided to keep everything short and went back to where we all started. the whack Kurosaki home.**

**Thanks to all of you for your patronage. I do hope you'll read my other stories!**

**Kudos to Tite Kubo!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Rukia waited outside, her arms crossed in front of her. She'd been doing this since the past month, everytime Ichigo and her brother went to Unohana for counseling. For two hours, she'd wait patiently outside Unohana's office until they came out.

The idea for counseling came from Byakuya, surprisingly. After Rukia had expressed how happy she was with Ichigo, no matter how ridiculous his lifestyle or his family was, Byakuya could not help but oblige her. He did admit, however, that although he'd accepted her relationship with Ichigo, he'd have a hard time accepting the ryoka himself. Rukia had suggested help, to which Byakuya answered, "counseling, perhaps?"

And so, they approached Unohana and asked for her services, to which she gladly accepted. Ichigo was skeptic at first, what with his claims that Unohana was not "that" kind of doctor. After being made to choose between Unohana and Yamamoto, however, Ichigo finally agreed. And so far, it did wonders for him.

Sure, there were still murderous glares and threats of death every now and then, but at least he and Byakuya could open up about their dislike for one another in a more healthy way. If it weren't for counseling, Ichigo would never have known how much his hair color made Byakuya's blood boil, or how Byakuya thought the size of his sword was compensating for something (Ichigo had snorted at this, stating that his "equipment" was already big enough and didn't need any compensating. "Ask Rukia," he said, to his utmost stupidity. He went out of Unohana's office that day all bloodied up. Byakuya followed after him, wiping his zanpakuto clean).

Despite numerous drawbacks, however, Ichigo and Byakuya were finally getting things cleared out. Issues were tackled, and compromises were made for the sake of Rukia. Unohana often smiled at the thought that the petite and deceivingly frail looking female could get two of the most powerful Shinigami's in Soul Society to agree on somethings. Unohana would have patted herself at the back, where it not for the last issue they were now about to tackle.

"Now, we have to address the matter at hand." She said, eyeing Ichigo and Byakuya intensely.

Byakuya cleared his throat and sat straighter. "Yes. I suppose this is one matter I cannot afford to let slip by any longer, despite my great displeasure towards it." Byakuya had emphasized 'displeasure' with a sneer.

Unohana sighed. "Captain Byakuya, I am sorry if you find talking about this particular topic…uncomfortable. But Rukia is a hundred and fifty years old, and I'm sure that she is no stranger to sexual intercourse. It's just a matter of time before she herself engages in it." Unohana looked at Ichigo then; Byakuya followed Unohana's gaze and cringed at the sight of Ichigo.

"Captain Unohana, can we not?" Byakuya hissed, covering his eyes, "I'd rather not stoop down to the madness of implying that Kuroskai would be the one to deflower my sister.

"Oh, so you'd rather another guy do it?"Ichigo said, glaring at Byakuya, "Did you have any unfortunate bloke in mind?"

"Why do you want to know, Kurosaki? You planning on butchering anybody after this session?"

"If that somebody happens to be _the_ somebody you want to deflower Rukia, then yes. Most likely, yes."

"Don't be a pussy, Kurosaki. No one within an infinite radius from me is worthy enough to deflower my sister." Byakuya sighed, looking afar "Alas, it is an unfortunate fate. Such cruelty that I'd have to pick Rukia's mate from among scraps."

Ichigo raised a finger. "You know, I was going to forgive you for calling me a pussy. But then you called me scrap along with all of the male population."

"Aren't you all?" Byakuya eyed Ichigo coolly.

_If he wasn't Rukia's brother. _Ichigo gritted his teeth.

Unohana smiled at Ichigo's self-control. She then turned to Byakuya with a serious look. "I cannot stress this enough, Captain Kuchiki. Rukia is old enough to make her own decisions. Including who she wants to sleep with.

"But that doesn't mean that I have to turn a blind eye when she makes a bad decision."

"So, not only am I a pussy and scrap, but I'm a bad decision as well?" Ichigo shook his head and sighed. "I thought we already have your approval, Byakuya."

Byakuya raised an at Ichigo's wery tone. Unohana also noticed this. "You do, Kurosaki."

"Well, what's wrong?" Ichigo cried out, running his hand through his hair in a frustrated manner, "I mean, what more do you want from me to prove that-"

"It's not a matter of proving yourself anymore, Kurosaki. Its matter of making sure that Rukia stays happy."

Ichigo paused, his mouth slightly open. Unohana wore a small, well-hidden smile. _Well, this is interesting._

"A month ago, Rukia told me she was happy with you, Kurosaki," Byakuya said, slowly looking at Ichigo, his eyes intense, "Is is still true today?"

"I…"

"That's what I want to ensure. That's what I want you to make sure of. I want my sister to be happy. Today, tomorrow, forever."

"You see how we are towards each other, Byakuya. I can't promise a perfect relationship."

"And I'm not asking for it. I'm only asking for a relationship that will make Rukia smile and be content at the end of the day."

Byakuya suddenly grabbed Ichigo by his collar and pulled him close. Unohana raised a hand, but brought it back down when Byakuya continued. "Now, you listen, and listen well, Ryoka. You'd better not do anything that will make Rukia regret loving you or being with you. You so much as make her shed a single tear and I will hunt you down. I will pour Senbonzakura's scourge over you so hard, they won't recognize your mangled corpse. Am I clear?"

Ichigo gulped. "Crystal."

"Good." Byakuya let go. "Now, back to the subject. I propose that you and Rukia engage in anything sexual for once a year. Maximum."

"WHAT?!"

"Remember Rukia's happiness, Kurosaki. I'm very sure my sister won't be happy getting pregnant so early in your relationship and end up looking for her baby daddy."

"….Did you just say baby daddy?"

* * *

"Did he seriously say baby daddy?"

Ichigo sighed for the nth time that day. "Yes, old man. Now stop pestering me; I've already told you how the session went at least a million times now."

"Then why do you keep entertaining him, numbskull?" Karin said, "Ignore him. That's what I do. Works like a charm."

Isshin gasped and clutched at his heart. "Karin, my sweet, sweet child! How can you be so mean?"

"The same way you can be so stupid."

Leaning against Masaki's ridiculously huge poster, Isshin cried dramatically. "Oh Masaki, my beloved wife. Do you see how our children treat me?"

Ichigo rubbed his temples and groaned. Isshin had been bugging him about what happened at the counselling session earlier this morning. To say that Isshin was shocked at the agreement he and Byakuya made regarding his and Rukia's sex life would be an understatement. The eccentric doctor had the grace to "faint".

"Five months? You can only engage in sexual activities every five months? What does Byakuya think you are, a saint?" Isshin had screamed. Ichigo punched him in reply.

Ichigo felt his father's arm snake around his shoulders. "Do not worry, my son," Isshin said, smirking haughtily while his eyes sparkled mischievously, "I expected lil' Byakuya to pull something like this. That's why I planned ahead."

"Woah, woah, old man. Hold your perverted horses. What do you mean 'planned ahead'?"

"Well, I figured that if we got on Byakuya's good side, he might be significantly less harsh when he deals with you. You know, whenever you and Rukia slip." Isshin winked.

"What are you saying?"

"I INVITED HIM TO DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT!"

Ichigo dropped his glass of orange juice.

"AREN'T I BRILLIANT, SON? WHAT BETTER WAY TO KISS YOUR WAY UP TO THAT STIFF KUCHIKI ASS THAN A FAMILY DINNER?"

"Yuzu. Karin. Go to your rooms."

"Alright, big brother." Yuzu said, pulling a delighted Karin by the arm.

"Huh? Why'd you make little Yuzu and Karin go to their rooms, son? Eh, what are you doing with that baseball bat? Are you-OW! OH HOLY MACARONI, MERCY! UNCLE, UNCLE UNCLE!"


End file.
